I wouldn't have this trip begin without the mandatory mayhem of passport control guys asking for my Facebook (of course my passport is a book with a picture...) and phone number and of course the mad dash to cram your steamer trunk into the overhead bins. Yes ma'am I am pretty sure that rhinoceros won't fit into the overhead bin but lets have 9 people jiggle it and try 12 different bins before we check it for you. Seated next to me was a little old Dominican man and his wife was seated directly behind me, I asked her if she wanted to switch places with me but she said she was fine and he said he liked me as much or more than her... O boy! What followed was some heavy flirting from an octogenarian that I didn't fully follow because he was missing many of his teeth. Also I was distracted by the smear of pink lipstick on his lips... I'm sure it was his great grand daughters, right?! When pandemonium died down to a low roar the plane took off into cottony white clouds and I bitter sweetly watched DR disappear in the distance. People talked loudly and kids screamed, we were just a rooster short of a guagua. When we landed the plane erupted into cheering and clapping. Then people clambered out of their seats like we might self combust at any moment. There were not 2 but 5 announcements telling passengers to stay seated while the plane taxied and I seriously thought the flight attendant might have an aneurism or establish marshal law. But finally everyone sat down as we arrived at the gate. Deplaning is of course a grand game of chicken where you toss yourself out into the aisle and hope you won't get trampled to death by the woman and her rhinoceros. Seriously on a three hour flight where do peoples form go. I know there are no snacks anymore but really are you that hungry? Passport control chick stared at the guy ahead of me like she might ship him to Guantanamo for failing to have his form. Then on to claiming your luggage which of course you have been practicing for your whole life at the colmado counter. Elbow in or use your child to squeeze in a wedge of space for you and yell what you need at the top of your lungs. Mission accomplished on to customs where the salami in your boot is denied entry to the US because it's provenance is unknown. My favorite quote of the day... at JFK an Indian woman with a large family repeatedly asked her sons to come sit in the same area as them. Finally she said, "If you don't come here I'm leaving you in America!" They quickly acquiesced. Meanwhile our side of the lounge repressed laughter. On arrival at the gate for Tokyo the terminal was already empty in fact 5 minutes after boarding was scheduled to begin the plane was fully boarded everyone stowed their carry-on and were quietly awaiting departure. My co-passenger spoke 3 words in 13 hours. The rest of the plane was equally silent for all 13 hours. Upon arrival no one clapped and everyone remained seated until we arrived at the gate. We deplaned and arrived at big ominous signs saying quarantine and guards with white masks. I had visions of white tents and hazmat suits... Why is it when you see signs like that you suddenly have an urge to sneeze or cough and you hold your breath and turn blue to get past inspection and you look more suspicious than ever! Anyhow it was the only gate so I went through and it was just passport control, they just like to get your heart rate up.

 


 Arctic Daybreak
 

A word to the wise never wear ankle socks on long haul flights. Because all the fluid accumulates around your ankles. Unless you like blue indentations around your ankles. Kind of like tattooed anklets.  Then when you get off the plane everyone can be like "what lovely blue cankles you have!" Because that comes up all the time :) Of course I suppose if you are planning to go to a Sumo match you'd be envied. "Sugoi! (wow) your cankles are lovely, I've been aspiring to some like that for years." "O thanks! Take a long flight they are a free amenity." Frankly after long flights, the only place I can think of where you'd really fit in is at a Sumo match. First off you have already mastered that fabulous hairstyle, sides plastered down with a tuft sticking up in the back. Then of course those enviable cankles and the sheer water retention make you so swollen you feel like Asashōryū Akinori lumbering off the plane.
 
Since this is how I looked upon exiting the plane I headed for the nearest restroom to freshen up. I had never met my hosts and I didn't want to come out of the gate looking crazy, they might run away and then I'd have to sleep at the airport all week... basically the Ritz after Rome :) Anyhow I was so happy to see the bathroom stalls were like closets with floor to ceiling doors. Because when I flew into Japan my preconceived expectations were: one, I was going to feel like Godzilla, since most of my Japanese friends are petite; two, they were going to be quiet and timid; and three, technology would be the best I'd seen. So in this vein I was worried I was going to be in stalls with doors and partitions I could see over. Where you stare hard at the floor like it might turn into lava at any moment. But they were like little private closets, tall and spacious. So I start getting changed when I saw this...



Which totally intrigued me! There's a zillion buttons for the toilet. Bidet aim and strength, blow dry all kinds of stuff. Then later at the mall I saw this one...



With music!!! I didn't press it because I was afraid Beethoven's fifth might blast through the stalls and then I'd have to hide in there until the bathroom was empty. Later Yuka said it's called the music princess model and it just plays water sounds. At the house we had one with the sink right above the toilet and I'm pretty sure the hand washing water flows right into the toilet for the next use. Efficiency! Me likes! Which I thought was really useful since the toilet is separate from the rest of the bathroom. You know how in Europe they often have the toilet separate, which is awesome for people who take long showers or use the restroom like the congressional library reading room, but then you have to hunt for a sink, spreading your germs halfway across the house. Also the heated seat is a nice feature because it's 30 below. But then in summer is it cold? That might be creepy. As is the motion sensor lid that goes up and down when it thinks you've entered or exited. I felt like it was watching me and I was in there fixing my hair and it kept going up and down, up and down. So when Yuka asked after a couple days what I found different or strange the only thing that really came to mind were the bathrooms, so of course I blurted out the toilets and she said yeah they are the cause of Japan's economic downturn... Hmm surely I misunderstood but I suppose if you had a toilet with a heated seat, music, shower, dryer capacity you might never leave the bathroom and if everyone is locked in their bathrooms I can see how that could affect the economy at the commercial and work force levels...

The shower rooms are pretty cool too, you just go in shut the door and shower and the whole little room has a central drain, with a bathtub too. The water heater is electronic though so one morning I got up to shower but everything is in Japanese so I had no idea what anything said and the water was freezing cold so I just showered quickly and jumped back under the duvet. When my family found out it was mass pandemonium. I ended up getting a bubble bath, hot tea and cuddles. Why isn't this the case after I take cold showers in DR? Plus the bathtub has a button you push and it will warm your water back up again. WHAT!? The bath is covered by a folding plastic cover that changes it into a bench. I bet if I pull it over me I can hide in the bathtub for months before someone catches on ;)




Something else I really liked were KOTATSU the tables with the heaters underneath. We went on a study and sat on the floor and long tablecloths were draped over the table and onto the floor cushions. Yuka kept saying put your legs under the table and when I did it was like Costa Rica under there. Masa later told me they call those tables the Devil because once you get all cozy seated at one you don't want to do anything else. Amen. Pull it up to a fancy toilet, add some wifi and I'd never leave :)

The best though was a new computer now available at Tokyo Train Station. When you have problems and human climbs out of the inside and helps you...